Friendship of Steel

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            I have always been the type of person to have only a couple of close

 friends.  I have other friends that I will go out with, but there are only a couple I

 feel comfortable telling my deepest secrets.  Friendship can definitely come in

 all shapes and sizes and the same friendships tend to change some over time.

  For example, my best friend Shannon and I have been very close for eleven

 years.  In eleven years our lives have dramatically changed.  Our conversations

 that once consisted of gossiping about who is cute and who is seeing who are

 now about how her full time teaching job is and how school is coming along for

 me.  We also live in different states now, which makes the time we see each

 other even more precious.  The fact that we don’t live around the corner from

 each other anymore has not changed the fact that she is the one I go to when I

 need someone to listen or when I have some good news to share. 

            Since friendship has been important in my life I chose to write about various types of friendship that are present in one of my favorite movies “Steel Magnolias”.  This movie deals with many different levels and types of friendship.  There is a core group of friends made up of M’Lynne, Shelby, Clairee, Weeza, Truvy and Anelle and each of them contributes something completely different to the circle of friends.  M’Lynne brings along years of motherhood and experience therefore; she tends to be very motherly and is very emotional and caring.  Shelby, who is M’Lynne’s daughter, is the youngest of the group of friends.  Shelby is very open with the group.  She is young and not afraid to voice her opinion.  Truvy, who owns the hair salon that most of the gossip takes place in, is a hip mother who seems to be there for everyone.  I would say that she is the dependable one of the group.  In the beginning of the movie Anelle is a little confused and Truvy serves as her mentor.  Through the mentoring process the two grow a very strong friendship.  Clairee, who is probably the eldest of the group of friends, is a well to do widower.  She is very down to earth and gets along with everyone.  I would consider her the grandmother of the group.  Then there’s Weeza.  She is the grouch of the group.  She has been married a couple of times and is a “man hater”.  Weeza is very cold on the outside, but when it comes right down to it she has a very warm heart.  Within the group of friends there are those who are closer than others, but they all make their Sunday trips to Truvy’s beauty parlor and spend time gossiping and catching up on what is going on in their lives. 

            “Steel Magnolias” is such a fascinating movie to me because it deals with all the aspects of friendship.  Although friendships should be full of happy memories, there are times when the memories are not happy.   In the movie the friends are first faced with the bad news that Shelby’s doctor suggested that children would weaken her diabetic body and it would be in her best interest to adopt.  Hard-headed and stubborn (and rightfully so) Shelby and her husband decide that they want to beat the odds and have a child of their own.  Shelby had a baby and then a year after he is born she needs a kidney transplant. Her mother donated the kidney, but things don’t get better for Shelby.  Her condition worsens and she is hospitalized when her husband comes home from work and finds her lying on the ground unconscious.  After being kept alive on life support her family decides there is nothing that can be done.  M’Lynne has now experienced one of the most awful things in her life, but all of her friends are there for her.  My favorite scene in the movie is after the funeral when M’Lynne is standing beside the casket.  Her friends all come to console her and she is beside herself.  She can’t believe that her daughter is gone.  This is where I usually begin to sob.  As a person who has felt the loss of someone they love very much (although not a child) I continuously put myself in her place and think, “What if that were me who died…”  All of M’Lynne’s friends gather to show their support, but it is too much for all of them to handle.  Anelle announces that she is going to name the baby she is expecting after Shelby since she met her husband at Shelby’s wedding.  She feels that it shouldn’t be any other way.  “Life goes on” as they say in the movie. 

            The side that is seen more often in the movie is the funny side of the group.  They all seem to have a great sense of humor.  At the grave site M’Lynne is crying and says that she just “feels like she could hit something hard” and Clairee pushed Weeza out in front of her and says

“go ahead”.  The whole group starts laughing.  They can’t help it.  Even in the worst possible situation the group is able to bring a smile to the face of their friend.

            I would compare the relationship that Truvy and Anelle have to that of my relationship with my closest friend Shannon.  They started out as two very different people and then really grew to know and rely on one another.  Anelle changes from being extremely naïve, to being extremely religious.  Shannon goes from one extreme to the other with men and I am like Truvy, I pretty much stay the same.  My best friend and I were constantly together in high school.  Shannon is a very caring and thoughtful person.  She is about five feet, three inches tall with short curly brown hair.  She has green eyes and is very slim.  She was very involved in college activities and is a blast to hang out with.  She was someone I could call at any hour and tell what was on my mind.  It worked the other way too.  We lived right around the corner from each other so when we needed to get out of the house and vent to each other we would go on walks and talk for hours.  When she told me she was going away to college I thought my world was coming to an end.  She was literally like my sister, and still is. I didn’t know what I was going to do.  Yeah, her parents lived here so she would come home to visit, but it just wasn’t the same.  I was supportive though because I knew it was what she wanted to do.  We managed to keep in touch and we have remained best friends.  I still call her when I need someone to talk to and she does the same (although long distance bills are involved now).  We have had a lot of good times, but there are also times when we don’t agree with one another.  Most of the time our disagreements are about guys.  She tends to date guys who either want to control her or they are never around.  She has a serious boyfriend, but I think that she deserves someone better.  They live together and I think she feels trapped and is too afraid to break up with him.  He is a partner in an auto body shop and doesn’t seem to bring home a lot of money, so she is left to scramble to pay rent.  This is her first year teaching and I know she doesn’t make enough to support him.  She has also told me that she lets him charge things for his shop on the credit card.  I told her that it was a bad idea, but she will do anything to help him out.  She has changed since they have been together and I don’t know that she sees it.  Last year at spring break I went out to visit and I stayed with them.  We hadn’t seen each other for over a year and we had a great time planned.  The first night we were going to go out to a dance club with her sister and a couple friends.  He got very upset and made her feel bad that she was going out.  I asked to her not let it bother her so she could enjoy herself, but I could tell it did.  The next morning they got into a fight about how late we were out and they fought for about two hours.  I was in the next room while she was crying and he was telling her things that just made her feel bad. That put kind of a damper on my vacation.   I don’t want her to be with someone who doesn’t allow her to be her own person.  I really care about her and I want her to be happy.  We will sometimes call and leave messages for each other just to say how much we miss the other since we are so busy lately that we don’t get to talk much.  It is hard to find someone that you can trust with all your emotions.

            Although we are still very close, her moving to Washington has definitely made things a little harder.  I feel like I have to call her or we never talk.  When I do call her I always make sure it’s not on a Sunday because I know her boyfriend is home.  She acts differently when he is around.  She does send me cards out of the blue with nice letters in them, but honestly we are both so busy that we really have to make it a point to call each other.  Obviously we don’t see each other as often anymore.  As I said earlier I went to visit her during spring break, but her parents recently moved to Washington so she won’t be coming to California as often.  It was nice that she would come home for Christmas, but not anymore.  We are planning a vacation together, which we have never done.  I think the biggest struggle for a long distance friendship is making sure that we make time for one another.  It takes effort on both ends to make things work.  If one of us tries and the other doesn’t there will only be hurt feelings.

            We have watched this movie and cried together many times.  We have discussed how our relationship is similar to certain characters and over time the characters we portray may change.  One thing that we agree on is the fact that there is nothing that could come between the friendship that we share.  Although we have had to adjust our friendship a little due to her move, we are still as close as ever.  When we do talk or see each other we pick up right where we left off.  Just as in the movie when Shelby moves after her wedding.  She still remained good friends with the ladies and joined them on the weekends for trips to the salon.  There is no one else that I am that close to and no one else that knows the secrets that she knows.  I care for her like she is family and I know that she feels the same.  Thinking into the future we tell each other that we can take vacations together and visit so that when we have children they can become friends as well.  We have been through a lot with each other and I believe that as long as we both do our part to keep in touch there is nothing that can break this special bond we have – this friendship of steel.

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This paper was created for English 116A
Spring 2002